This Is Hard (Four Days In)
I can't count the times I've heard the saying, "We have more in common than what divides us."
But last Wednesday morning, the schism felt larger than it ever had before.
It was as though a jolt surged through me and widened a chasm unlike anything I had experienced.
I've since sat and thought about why this is and how to move through it.
While I have many unanswered questions, there's one in particular that's been with me since those early Wednesday hours—“Who is safe?”
Who is safe?
This question flared up from my gut. It was primal. Survivalistic.
(At this point, some might be tempted to think I'm overreacting. Or blame it on where I live. Or my upbringing. Or not doing "enough" inner work. Please resist the urge to assess me and simply observe what I'm sharing.)
See, this "what divides us" wasn't and isn't just a difference in politics or even beliefs. It runs much deeper.
The schism that rippled through me exposed a sharper contrast of values and worldviews. It also called into question who I could trust...who I considered safe.
The safe ones I instantly knew. No question whatsoever.
As for the rest? They suddenly had (have) question marks over their heads.
And I don't know what to do with that. It hurts.
But after several very difficult and heavy days, here's what I've come to realize...
It's okay to have firmer boundaries during this season. It's also okay for those boundaries to look different for different people.
These boundaries may evolve over time. So checking in on them will be important.
Your boundaries today may be interpreted by others (especially those who now have limited access to you) as unkind. Hypocritical. Intolerant, even. It's not your job to help them understand. It's your job to put your own oxygen mask on first.
Because the reality is—boundaries exist to preserve your well-being. And they may be the very thing that's keeping the possibility of a future relationship with certain "question mark" folks alive.
Not actively pursuing unity today doesn't mean you're choosing division.
So, it's okay if you need to take a vacay from building bridges or figuring out what unity looks like. It may be the greatest act of love you can offer right now.
In the meantime, lean into the safe ones. Sit with those who are hurting and afraid and angry. Let them sit with you in return.
Rest and process and build back up your reserves. This takes as long as it takes. And you get to give yourself that grace.
Remember that even in the darkest of nights, there are still mini-mercies to light your way. Keep your eye out for them. They're there. ✨
“It’s okay if you need to take a vacay from building bridges or figuring out what unity looks like. It may be the greatest act of love you can offer right now.”
These are some things I've been thinking through and leaning on during these past several days. Maybe they'll help you, too.
The wind was knocked out of my sails last week. But that doesn't mean the ship won't sail again. 🧡
